Welcome to They're There: The home of brain bits, body bits, music, biased football opinions and other detritus. Updated irregularly.
I have no idea who is on now – it could be Bananarama for all I care – as it’s no longer possible to focus on anything other than the intense HISS from the gas and air mouthpiece, and the nurse telling me that everything’s going to be fine, and to breathe… breeeeathe… (Was I having a colonoscopy or giving birth?!) and instructing me not to move…
Just as I was about to head home, my large intestine started to fill up like a balloon. Admittedly, getting some gas in one’s gut from having a few drinks isn’t exactly uncommon, but this was like someone had fitted a pump directly into my large intestine and switched it on.
Fortunately, I knew this establishment like the back of my hand and darted straight to the gents. Unfortunately, what happened next was an awful lot of blood appearing in a bright white porcelain bowl...
It's been a long time since I wrote them - and you've probably seen them knocking around before - but the 'Stay Positive' series is available to read yet again.
If you haven't, then here's your chance to read about my early dealings with mild depression. Hooray!
Shy FX - We Just Don't Care
Two-stepping his way away from his jungle and reggae roots and veering into a genreless (but still bass-heavy) world, Shy FX has created the first “Summer anthem of 2017™”.
Featuring Noisettes frontwoman Shingai Shoniwa on vocals, We Just… is a bold, confident and damn-near perfect banger of a song.