Welcome to They're There: The home of brain bits, body bits, music, biased football opinions and other detritus. Updated irregularly.
As I politely pleaded one of my mates to show me where a spare toilet was, my body temperature rocketed, I broke out in a cold sweat, and I did all I could to not claw at the walls and scream in intense panic.
I’m not one to encourage nuclear Armageddon, but at that precise moment, I would’ve gladly taken a direct hit from any stray nuclear warhead going than have to spend another second fearing that I was about to unleash faecal hell...
Thanks to the world of film and television, I’ve always had a vision of how I imagined a prostate exam to go. The patient would stand, legs apart, bare-cheeked and holding onto the bed. The doctor would stand behind with a lubricated finger or two, mention something about me feeling something uncomfortable for a few moments, and the rest would be history.
It's been a long time since I wrote them - and you've probably seen them knocking around before - but the 'Stay Positive' series is available to read yet again.
If you haven't, then here's your chance to read about my early dealings with mild depression. Hooray!
Paramore - Hard Times
The intro may sound like a Crash Bandicoot soundtrack, but Hard Times is another synth-singed pop masterclass from Paramore.
Coupling the irresistible duo of challenging lyrical content with shimmering summertime choruses, everything bodes well for their fifth LP, After Laughter, out on 12th May.